"Hello, this is Chris Beiler calling. I need a psychologist. Can I spill my beans to you? Here is my deepest fear......."
......I hate making phone calls. I will put off a phone call for days sometimes because I just don't like it. I don't know why I don't like it. I think maybe I'm scared something awkward will happen (I hate awkward situations).
"Hello this is Chris from Smucker's Energy"
"Hi Bill, could I please speak to the CEO?"
"Yes you can speak to the CEO, but my name is Chris."
"Oh, sorry Tim."
Maybe I'm scared that I will get a coughing fit while I'm on the phone.
"Hello, this is Chris Beiler."
"Hello, this is John Smith from church. Could you teach our kid's Sunday school class?"
"Cough, Cough, Cough, Sneeze."
"Uh, are you okay?"
High, squeeky voice "Yes excuse me, I'm okay."
While these reasons may be part of my fear, I have come to believe that the predominate reason I am hesitant to make phone calls is that I don't like to ask people for help. I don't like to need other people.
Voice in my head - "Chris, you really need to call that guy and see if he can help at the Sunday potluck."
Other voice in my head - "Chris, maybe you can just do everything (make all the salad, do all the grilling, make the invites, and clean up afterwards. It will be hard but it will be better than making a phone call. It will be especially better than asking for help."
Why do I hate asking for help? I'm beginning to see that this whole concept of self-sufficiency is a huge motivating force in my life as I make day to day decisions. I'm also beginning to see that this is more than just a Chris Beiler problem but a human problem. The American Dream is driven by a quest for being self-sufficient. We assume that the person who never expresses a need has life completely together.
I love to help people. I love being the hero with the answers to life's problems, available at anyone's beckoning call. But for me to actually need someone else is really a very different situation. Maybe this is why people who watch me think Christianity is impossible for the average person. Maybe this is why the world feels so judged by my very presence. So, what does it mean to be a needy person?
Jesus spoke of all kinds of blessings for the people who are needy - Blessed are the poor, hungry, thirsty, and those that mourn. In other words it's okay to have needs. In fact if you have needs you will be blessed. I don't want to become a sap on society though. I don't want to have a bunch of needs just for the sake of being needy. Maybe this is more about realizing my needs than it is trying to make up needs that I don't really have.
The letter to the church of Laodicea says, "You brag, 'I'm rich, I've got it made, I need nothing from anyone,' oblivious that in fact you're a pitiful, blind beggar, threadbare and homeless." (Rev. 3:17 - The Message) The only way we realize who we are is by seeing who God is. As we become aware of God in His holiness the extreme depravity of our condition becomes apparent. Okay so what if I finally realize that I'm needy? I still don't like to tell people. I still don't like to ask for help. I still don't like to make phone calls.
Peter didn't like being helped by others either. I think this is why he didn't want Jesus to wash his feet. Allowing others to serve us can be humiliating, but it can also allow someone else to receive a real blessing. For so long the church has gotten really excited about helping the world. What about letting the world help the church. Do people in the world have things to offer the church? I believe they do.
Here again we've bought the lie that every time the Bible talks about the world it is talking about the people who don't go to church. When the Bible says to not love the world it is talking about Satan's kingdom and ideas. It's okay to love the people in the world. The Bible also says that God so loved the world that he sent Jesus.
I've learned so much recently about what it means to ask for help from a man in our town. His family needed help and so he asked me. Soon after I started spending time with this family I began to ponder about my courage in asking for help. I really wonder if I would ask for help if my family needed it. Would I be willing to say I have a problem or would I try to cover up what's going on and make everything look okay?
There are two things that I am praying for my life. 1) That God would show me who I really am in perspective to his holiness, and 2) that God would give me the courage to ask for help as I realize how needy I am. Maybe as we start praying this prayer the church will actually become something that the average person can relate to. Maybe the church will begin to have more feeling and life. Maybe if we didn't have quite as many answers to life people would start asking more questions. Maybe if we didn't masquerade our lives as being quite as much together the world would feel free to share what's going on in their lives.
STOP STOP STOP !!! - don't worry I'm yelling at myself.
We do have answers to life. We do have our lives together because Jesus Christ has made a change in our hearts. Every time my thought train goes down the emergent track that we shouldn't have answers and we shouldn't have life so together, another side of me says "We do have answers to life. Our lives are more together because of Christ and we don't have to be ashamed of it." Where is the connection between my emergent thought train and my fundamental thought train running towards me from two different directions? Where is the balance between having needs and meeting needs? If life were all about having needs, the street bum has reached the epitome of life. How do I need other people and still care for them? How do I ask questions and still have answers? How do I wander and still not be lost? How do I become needy and still have my needs met in Christ?
Raising my hand.....Oh yeah I'm on the phone so you can't see I'm raising my hand, but I just had a comment. Ooops I'm the one doing all the talking anyway, but here is my comment.
I have a need. I need an answer to these questions. Most of all I need to know why I hate making phone calls..............so there you go!
..........Can I please, please hang up now?
May it truly be said of me "todos los que andan no se pierde"
......I hate making phone calls. I will put off a phone call for days sometimes because I just don't like it. I don't know why I don't like it. I think maybe I'm scared something awkward will happen (I hate awkward situations).
"Hello this is Chris from Smucker's Energy"
"Hi Bill, could I please speak to the CEO?"
"Yes you can speak to the CEO, but my name is Chris."
"Oh, sorry Tim."
Maybe I'm scared that I will get a coughing fit while I'm on the phone.
"Hello, this is Chris Beiler."
"Hello, this is John Smith from church. Could you teach our kid's Sunday school class?"
"Cough, Cough, Cough, Sneeze."
"Uh, are you okay?"
High, squeeky voice "Yes excuse me, I'm okay."
While these reasons may be part of my fear, I have come to believe that the predominate reason I am hesitant to make phone calls is that I don't like to ask people for help. I don't like to need other people.
Voice in my head - "Chris, you really need to call that guy and see if he can help at the Sunday potluck."
Other voice in my head - "Chris, maybe you can just do everything (make all the salad, do all the grilling, make the invites, and clean up afterwards. It will be hard but it will be better than making a phone call. It will be especially better than asking for help."
Why do I hate asking for help? I'm beginning to see that this whole concept of self-sufficiency is a huge motivating force in my life as I make day to day decisions. I'm also beginning to see that this is more than just a Chris Beiler problem but a human problem. The American Dream is driven by a quest for being self-sufficient. We assume that the person who never expresses a need has life completely together.
I love to help people. I love being the hero with the answers to life's problems, available at anyone's beckoning call. But for me to actually need someone else is really a very different situation. Maybe this is why people who watch me think Christianity is impossible for the average person. Maybe this is why the world feels so judged by my very presence. So, what does it mean to be a needy person?
Jesus spoke of all kinds of blessings for the people who are needy - Blessed are the poor, hungry, thirsty, and those that mourn. In other words it's okay to have needs. In fact if you have needs you will be blessed. I don't want to become a sap on society though. I don't want to have a bunch of needs just for the sake of being needy. Maybe this is more about realizing my needs than it is trying to make up needs that I don't really have.
The letter to the church of Laodicea says, "You brag, 'I'm rich, I've got it made, I need nothing from anyone,' oblivious that in fact you're a pitiful, blind beggar, threadbare and homeless." (Rev. 3:17 - The Message) The only way we realize who we are is by seeing who God is. As we become aware of God in His holiness the extreme depravity of our condition becomes apparent. Okay so what if I finally realize that I'm needy? I still don't like to tell people. I still don't like to ask for help. I still don't like to make phone calls.
Peter didn't like being helped by others either. I think this is why he didn't want Jesus to wash his feet. Allowing others to serve us can be humiliating, but it can also allow someone else to receive a real blessing. For so long the church has gotten really excited about helping the world. What about letting the world help the church. Do people in the world have things to offer the church? I believe they do.
Here again we've bought the lie that every time the Bible talks about the world it is talking about the people who don't go to church. When the Bible says to not love the world it is talking about Satan's kingdom and ideas. It's okay to love the people in the world. The Bible also says that God so loved the world that he sent Jesus.
I've learned so much recently about what it means to ask for help from a man in our town. His family needed help and so he asked me. Soon after I started spending time with this family I began to ponder about my courage in asking for help. I really wonder if I would ask for help if my family needed it. Would I be willing to say I have a problem or would I try to cover up what's going on and make everything look okay?
There are two things that I am praying for my life. 1) That God would show me who I really am in perspective to his holiness, and 2) that God would give me the courage to ask for help as I realize how needy I am. Maybe as we start praying this prayer the church will actually become something that the average person can relate to. Maybe the church will begin to have more feeling and life. Maybe if we didn't have quite as many answers to life people would start asking more questions. Maybe if we didn't masquerade our lives as being quite as much together the world would feel free to share what's going on in their lives.
STOP STOP STOP !!! - don't worry I'm yelling at myself.
We do have answers to life. We do have our lives together because Jesus Christ has made a change in our hearts. Every time my thought train goes down the emergent track that we shouldn't have answers and we shouldn't have life so together, another side of me says "We do have answers to life. Our lives are more together because of Christ and we don't have to be ashamed of it." Where is the connection between my emergent thought train and my fundamental thought train running towards me from two different directions? Where is the balance between having needs and meeting needs? If life were all about having needs, the street bum has reached the epitome of life. How do I need other people and still care for them? How do I ask questions and still have answers? How do I wander and still not be lost? How do I become needy and still have my needs met in Christ?
Raising my hand.....Oh yeah I'm on the phone so you can't see I'm raising my hand, but I just had a comment. Ooops I'm the one doing all the talking anyway, but here is my comment.
I have a need. I need an answer to these questions. Most of all I need to know why I hate making phone calls..............so there you go!
..........Can I please, please hang up now?
May it truly be said of me "todos los que andan no se pierde"
